Financially Secure

How long have you been married?

We have been married for an awesome 5 and a half years.

On a scale of 1-10, how important are finances in a marriage? (1 being of little importance, and 10 being extremely important.)

We would say it is a 10. Financial issues can act as a negative catalyst to magnify other issues that can weigh heavily on a relationship. When you are in financial agreement with your partner, it can be a gateway to increased intimacy and strengthen marital bonds.

What are some common obstacles that hinder couples financially? (In general, and personally.)

Debt and poor credit are usually the biggest obstacles. Setting financial goals can help with getting out of debt. Overspending is another obstacle that impacts a lot of relationships. Having a monthly budget can help control spending behaviors and help with getting bills paid on time. Over time, reducing your debt to income ratio and paying your bills on time will have a positive impact on your credit score.

It is important to remember that having poor credit causes everything to be more expensive. Car payments are higher. Car, Home, and Rental insurance cost more. Getting a mortgage for a home is more costly from higher interest rates. Improving your credit score can save you thousands of dollars a year, that you can be redirected and put to work for you and your household.

Share how you make financial matters a priority?

For many, personal finance is something that is not discussed. It is not talked about between husband and wife. It’s not shared with children. It is not discussed in social circles with family and friends or coworkers. Financial Matters are taboo. We make financial matters a priority by taking the taboo out of talking about money. We have open honest and regular discussions about our money, financial goals, and monthly budget. And whenever possible we socialize behaviors and best practices for managing our personal finances. Everything we do plays a role, directly or indirectly, in us achieving our financial goals. Having financial goals helps make financial matters a priority.

What is your favorite financial resource?

Of course, The Wealth Culture Academy and our flagship e-course Budgeting is BAE. The Wealth Culture Academy is an online resource we created to help grow financial literacy in the African American Community and beyond. Budgeting is BAE is an e-course we designed to help African American women learn how to master their money by budgeting. We wanted to share the things that we have learned during our journey to financial freedom. We have uncovered a lot of nuggets along the way that we wish we learned years ago. We feel obligated to share as much as we can with as many people as we can. Financial success is possible for everyone, as long as they know the behaviors to foster it.

For us, our financial enlightenment began as we read the book, The Richest Man in Babylon. We also follow other personal finance educators like His and Her Money and Tiffany The Budgetnista.

What is the greatest financial advice you ever received?

One of the most impactful pieces of financial advice we have received was to start an emergency savings account. Once we set aside money for emergencies, we found that the emergencies seemed to stop happening. And it wasn’t so much that emergencies didn’t happen to us anymore. We were just more prepared when they occurred. The panic and the need to rush and make a financial decision was removed. And we began to see that often, things that became emergencies because we were unprepared weren’t really emergencies. They were just unexpected situations. We then decided that we needed to give our emergency saving a more defined purpose so it is to only be used in a real emergency. We created a separate savings for unexpected situations. We want our emergency savings to stand alone and be available to cover things like loss of income and the need to cover household expenses for a designated amount of time.

 

Share something you wished every couple knew about finances before getting married.

We wish every couple understood the power of bringing their money together as one. Far too often we hear couple share about keeping their money separate. And when they get into the reason for keeping their money separate it usually is more of a trust issue than an actual money issue. And when that is the case. The couple really needs to work to resolve the trust issue. Once that is done, concerns about bringing money together are pretty much all but eliminated. There are some behaviors that all couples should practice so that bringing money together becomes fruitful. Being open and honest about all financial situations with one another is key. You can create a safe place discussion with your partner to ensure the other person is comfortable putting it all out there on the table. The only way to fix things that are broken is to know it is broken. This will also allow both people to know the financial strengths and weaknesses of the other. And bringing money together doesn’t mean you lose the ability to spend money individually. This is one of the biggest fears many couples have about bringing money together. Once the money is placed in the same pot, it can be planfully distributed. Each person can have an “allowance” to cover their personal spending needs. By first bringing all of the money together, the couple can ensure that their financial goals have priority over individual spending.

Do you believe couples should have joint accounts?

YES! Two is always better than one. Marriage isn’t 50/50. It’s 100/100. More importantly, every couple should have financial goals and budget to meet those goals. Having financial goals along with a budget naturally puts in place a money management system or process that evolves over time.    

What advice would you like to give couples concerning the importance of estate planning?

Make it a priority! Every now and then we see someone share gofundme accounts on social media to help cover expenses related to an unexpected death. Estate planning can help prevent the need for that. Also, a lot of wealth is lost to taxes when you are forced to go through probate because there is no legal will to express the sentiments of the deceased party.

We also need to look more at creating trusts. Some benefits of having a trust: You can put conditions on how and when your assets are distributed after you die; You reduce estate and gift taxes; You can distribute assets to heirs efficiently without the cost, delay, and publicity of probate court. A trust also allows you to better protect your assets from creditors and lawsuits.

When you go from one spouse working to both working should the spouse who just started working pick up bills, pay off debt or invest?

This goes back to having financial goals and a budget. Anytime there is a sustained change to income you will need to revisit your financial goals and monthly budget. If paying off debt is already a financial goal, it’s natural for the new income to be directed towards debt repayment. If investing is a priority, then the new income is directed towards investments.

It is also good to have a plan for unexpected money. Every now and then we all get unexpected money. For instance, let’s say you are meeting a friend for lunch and they pick up the tab. You were expecting to pay for the meal but your friend paid. The cost of the meal is unexpected money. You can use the money you would have spent on lunch to go towards emergency savings or an investment. Having a plan allows that money to be put to work.

What does being “Beautifully Bound: Financially Secure” look like to you?

It means that your money looks good on the outside and inside. You never want to be the couple with a nice house who can’t afford to put furniture in it. It means you have a financial plan in place, with a budget acting as a roadmap to help you follow your plan. It means you have savings to cover emergencies and unexpected situations as well as savings to help secure your future. It means you have money directed towards investments to grow your legacy and wealth as well as create security for future generations. It means you are working well financially as a couple. With financial security, you foster a bond that strengthens your love for one another and your marriage.

Photography by Keynon Jones of K Love Jones Photography

Graced Lettering Co.

Connect with the Myhands on social media.

https://www.thewealthcultureacademy.com

https://facebook.com/thewealthculture

https://instagram.com/budgetingisbae

 

If you enjoyed this blog and would like to build your marriage on a solid foundation, nurture lasting love, and connect with other couples stay in touch with Mr. and Mrs. Poplar via our Solid Marriage Support Facebook Page.

Just Say Yes

Husband: Hey Babe, I had a hard day at work and I was wondering if we could . . .

Wife: I can’t, I have a headache.

Somewhere along the way in history, a headache became the kryptonite that renders women inoperative and deflates husbands faster than a pin pops a balloon. The irony about the infamous headache excuse is that intimacy is the perfect cure. And if a wife is willing to sacrifice she may be surprised to find there is something significant in it for her too. The late Dr. Marvin Gaye called it, “Sexual Healing.” And there is science to back up his research.

Baby, I’m hot just like an oven
I need some lovin’
And baby, I can’t hold it much longer
It’s getting stronger and stronger

And when I get that feeling
I want sexual healing
Sexual healing, oh baby
Makes me feel so fine

Helps to relieve my mind
Sexual healing baby, is good for me
Sexual healing is something that’s good for me

Sexual Healing Lyrics by Marvin Gaye / David Ritz / Odell Brown

Have you ever heard of oxytocin? It’s also referred to as the bonding, cuddle, life, or love hormone. It’s a hormone that is excreted when a mother has a baby, it makes her feel connected to her child. Mothers generally don’t look at their babies and see them as alien creatures. (Even though infants often look alien.) Something inside of a mother causes her to look beyond blood, mucus, and her own physical exhaustion and immediately begin taking care of someone else. Oxytocin is the super glue that fosters mother-baby bonding. Everything from uterine contractions during labor to helping expel the placenta following labor is influenced by oxytocin. It helps a mom’s milk to let-down and helps close blood vessels after birth.

Through nipple stimulation, exercise, rhythmic movement, prayers, relaxation, warm baths, feeling grateful, loving words, laughter, and humor, moms and midwives have been able to stimulate the body to produce oxytocin during labor to lessen the pain of delivery. Imagine that? All of the above sound very similar to things that take place during foreplay between couples prior to having sex. Could it be that God designed this bonding hormone to wire men to feel one with and care for their wives in the same way that He designed it for moms to care for and connect with their babies?

Baby, I got sick this mornin’
A sea was stormin’ inside of me
Baby, I think I’m capsizin’
The waves are risin’ and risin’

And when I get that feeling
I want sexual healing
Sexual healing is good for me
Makes me feel so fine, it’s such a rush
Helps to relieve the mind, and it’s good for us

Marvin Gaye had a point. Sexual healing helps to relieve the mind and is good for us. Sex is deeply therapeutic both emotionally and physically. It is biblically encouraged and I’m sure many husbands with a headache-prone wife will attest to Mr. Gaye’s noted symptoms of feeling like he was capsizing. The seasickness he described is something the release of oxytocin could thwart. In fact, the only time men release this supernatural super glue is when they climax during the sex. Attention all wives who suffer from frequent “headaches” the fact that the only time your husband releases oxytocin is during sex should be enough to cure you for life if you care about the longevity of your love life.

You can outsource just about every other aspect of being a wife. You can hire someone to clean your home, cook your food, do your husband’s laundry, but the last thing you want is to outsource intimacy. Similar to the way that oxytocin causes a mom to connect with her baby it serves as a bonding agent between a husband and wife. This is not a hormone that you ever want your husband to release with someone else.

Oxytocin evokes feelings of:

• security
• contentment
• love
• trust
• empathy

Oxytocin helps to reduce cortisol. People with high levels of cortisol may experience:

• depression
• headaches
• fatigue
• irritability
• emotional irregularities

Wives, I know it sounds counterintuitive to give yourselves to your husband if you are not feeling well, but could it be that you’re not feeling well because you are withholding good from him that’s really good for you? Is there a lack of security, contentment, love, trust, and empathy in your marriage? You might think that the lack of the aforementioned attributes is the cause of your headaches but maybe it’s the other way around. Of all the things you can get away with not doing for your husband doing “it” should not be one of them.

Do not withhold what is good from those who deserve it;
if it is within your power to give it, do it.
Do not send your neighbor away, saying, “Get back with me tomorrow.
I can give it to you then,”
when what he needs is already in your hand.
Make no plans that could result in injury to your neighbor;
after all, he should be more secure because he lives near you.
Avoid fighting with anyone without good reason,
especially when no one has hurt you; you have nothing to fight about.

Proverbs 3:27-35 The Voice (VOICE)

I implemented the “Just Say Yes” policy years ago when my husband and I were walking through the stress of adoption. We had three biological children and adopted three more. Our younger three were ages one, two, and three. Needless to say, life was hard and my headaches were frequent until my doctor looked at me and said, Mrs. Poplar, “You are a walking heart attack.” I wasn’t breathing properly because I was stuck in fight mode. I was living with the chronic pain of inflammation and the frustration of memory loss. One day while studying scriptures on intimacy I began to see parallels between the structure of a females’ body and the temple. I also noticed that the Bible had much to say about how husbands and wives should give themselves to each other.

Drink water from your own cistern,
flowing water from your own well.
Should your springs be scattered abroad,
streams of water in the streets?
Let them be for yourself alone,
and not for strangers with you.
Let your fountain be blessed,
and rejoice in the wife of your youth,
a lovely deer, a graceful doe.
Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight;
be intoxicated always in her love.

Proverbs 5:15-19 ESV

 

I could share several scriptures with you that pertain to intimacy between husband and wife, (a different blog for a different day) but I selected this Proverb because it points to things that promote the release of God’s super glue that causes you to be stuck together with your spouse-oxytocin. Rejoice with your wife, let her breasts fill you with delight, and be intoxicated in her love. Things that can hinder the release of oxytocin in women during labor are fear, stress, feeling like they are being watched, tension, distrust, discomfort, and anxiety. These are also things that can hinder a woman in the bedroom. Husbands I just wanted to add that in there because if you want your wife to join the “Just Say Yes” tribe then you must be ready to love her as yourself and per Dr. Marvin Gaye’s orders, tell her that she’s great!”

You’re my medicine, open up and let me in
Darling, you’re so great, I can’t wait for you to operate
You’re my medicine, open up and let me in
Darling, you’re so great, I can’t wait for you to operate

My husband is a great patient. And he’s also very patient. Over our 19 years of being married, I’ve faced various medical issues like recovery after surgery and the loss of libido that can happen during breastfeeding, after having a baby, or after taking a prescription medication. Those highs and lows are normal parts of being beautifully bound. If there is a couple that is reading this and you are facing some intimate issues don’t be afraid to do some research (both biblically and medically), read a book, seek counseling, or have a heartfelt conversation with your spouse or your doctor. It would be a tragedy for you to abandon ship on your relationship the moment you hit choppy waters.

Even during seasons in which physical obstacles hinder physical sex, there are still ways to make love. The mysterious thing about marital intimacy is that it is appropriate during milestones, mistakes, mishaps, and mourning. Sex is sacred and God designed this ritual to help helpmates help and heal each other. Many times when I walked through medical issues and was unaware of what was taking place with my body or libido my husband was the one to figure out what was happening. Through research, prayer, and patience we were able to implement noninvasive natural remedies that resulted in a balance in my body and restored beauty in our marriage bed.

If you would like to build your marriage on a solid foundation, nurture lasting love, and connect with other couples follow our Solid Marriage Support Facebook page today.

Gracie Clark of Graced Lettering Co.

Wisdom from a Widow

 

How many years were you married?

29 years, 1 month, 30 days and 12 hours (10,652 days, 12 hours and 0 minutes)

 

What has hindsight highlighted most to you?

Treasure each and every moment, make a conscious effort to make good memories, celebrate the good, forget and forgive the bad (every day).

 

What wisdom would you like to offer wives?

Treasure the gift God has given you. Don’t exaggerate your husband’s shortcomings and mistakes.  Concentrate on what you fell in love with in the first place. Don’t argue and fight over petty things, life is so short.  Don’t waste time!!! Talk through and work out the hard things, everything can be resolved. Communicate (don’t hold grudges and stop speaking).  Give yourself unselfishly physically, no regrets. Let go of inhibitions and enjoy intimacy to the fullest (forget what you think you look like, he loves it all and forget about the dishes that need to be done, that that doesn’t matter when he’s gone).

 

Marriage is a ministry and every joint supplies . . .

What would you say was your marriage supplied to the Body of Christ?

Dave and I made it a goal to show children what a godly marriage and relationship looked like. We always said we wanted them to know by our example what they could have when they grew up in case they didn’t have that example at home.

The other thing our marriage contributed to the Body is an example of teamwork within marriage. Dave and I were a good team. We loved to work together, learn from each other and appreciated each other’s God-given gifts & talents.

We encouraged others to pursue their dreams and aspirations as much as possible.

 

What has been the hardest thing to adjust to?

After the initial shock of being left a widow so suddenly, the hardest thing has been the littlest things.  Missing his touch, his laughter, his arms around me, our conversations about deep things and silly things, singing together in the car. . . Most of all I miss being able to go to my best friend with my deepest pain, joys, complaints, and tears.

 

What is most apparent to you about your spouse now that they’re gone?

What an amazing person he truly was! What a creative genius he was!  How much he was respected, honored and loved. How much he is missed, not only by his family but by friends and kids he taught and mentored.  How much I need him.

 

If you could change anything about the past what would it be?

I’d lay aside my own “needs” and serve him more. I’d give myself to him more. I’d pay attention to every little detail of our life instead of being overwhelmed by what seemed to be the big stuff.

 

What does being “Beautifully Bound” mean to you?

Marriage is the most unique and profoundly rich of relationships.  In no other relationship do you become “one” with another. It is a love covenant that, if nurtured and treasured can last until your very last breath and beyond.  The love I carry for my husband and the love I know he still holds for me in Heaven is a representation of a beautiful bond that the Lord blessed us with on earth.  I look forward to the day of that Great Reunion!

 

What do you feel like you should have done more of?

As much as we did together, if I could go back I would have MORE fun, adventure, and laughter.  I would make time to be intimate more often! Those are the memories I treasure most now!

 

What do you wish you would have done less?  

Worry.  I wish I would have worried less about money, the future, the kids, ministry and the things that never happened. Worry stole precious time from me and our time together.

To find out more about Jackie’s bittersweet beautiful new beginning subscribe to her blog at therenaissancebelle.com

Photography by Darla Hall

Graced Lettering Co.

Beautifully Bound: Back Together

We met the Farris’ at a recent marriage conference. We were blessed by their story and believe you will be enlightened by their wisdom. Thank you, Tracy and Sylvia, for sharing your Beautifully Bound journey of reconciliation with our readers.

How long were you married?

20 years this Dec. 21

 

How long were you separated?

Though we were not physically separated, we were spiritually separated somewhere between 3-5 years.

 

What was the catalyst for you coming back together?

The catalyst that caused us to come back together was the understanding that our marriage isn’t merely for us. But it’s a ministry for us and others.

 

What does it mean to be “Beautifully Bound” to you?

To be committed to the marriage. To God, yourself and your spouse. In the harmony, trials, and challenges, victory and celebration all in the beauty of our heavenly Father God.  

 

What is the most powerful advice you have ever received or most powerful question you pondered during your time of separation?

The most powerful advice was that no one else on earth was created for us but us for each other. Many may catch our attention but no one else can handle us but each other.

 

What was the most difficult thing about being apart? The most difficult part is the actual feeling and experience of disconnection one from another. Knowing that what you have or had is no longer there.

 

What is the hardest part about coming back together?

Trust and Forgiveness. It’s one thing to say we trust and forgive but it’s another to live as you trust and to live as if you’ve been forgiven. Another area that was hard was sex. Each person wants to be validated with the assurance that they are the only King or Queen in the marriage.

 

What advice would you offer couples who are currently in the reconciliation process?

To recommit to God as individuals and as a couple. Focus on,

• communication
• compromise
• capability
• commitment
• confession ( love for each other).

Take time out for each other and as an individual. Don’t lose your identity in the other person but allow your individual identities to make one whole identity. When people see you they should see God, you and your spouse. Build each other up with support, encouragement, validation, reassurance, and acceptance.

What advice would you offer couples who are contemplating separation?

We would render this question. One simple word and question, “Why”? Many people focus their emotional decision on the circumstances of the effects of rejection and so forth. But how often do we focus on the “why” we felt rejected? People see the ripples in the water but have no idea why there are ripples in the water.

 

What will you do more intentionally now that you are back together?

Set boundaries. Work on being on the same sheet of music. Address the “why” not the ripple. Prayer, forgiveness, laughter, quality time, commitment, and communication. 

For more marital wisdom connect with the Farris’ by joining their Facebook Page Ambassadors Marriage Session “Inspired to Inspire.”

Graced Lettering

If you would like to build your marriage on a solid foundation, nurture lasting love, and connect with other couples visit our Solid Marriage Support Facebook Page.

Date Night Ideas

Why date night? Because you both work hard and deserve to play hard.  Date night is a scheduled break to keep your lines of communication from breaking down. It’s a time to dream, plan, and create together. Date night is a way of saying, “You are a priority to me.” Date night can be fun, productive, romantic, or silly. But being intentional about date night is a serious matter. Why date night? Why work? Why gym? Why chores? Because they are all important to the overall health of your marriage and family.

Date nights serve several purposes but one that is most important is fostering a feeling of lasting love. Being deliberate about date night is a simple way to invest in your marriage that yields great reward. Dating your spouse is a wonderful way to decompress from stress and strengthen your commitment to one another. Date nights give you something to look forward to and are a great way to share new experiences with your spouse. Below are a few date night ideas.

 

If you don’t currently have a weekly date night here’s your chance. Grab your spouse and follow the steps below.

1. Agree on a night of the week or day of the month to have a standing date night. 
2. If you have small children, select another couple you could swap date nights with. (If you don’t have small children, pay it forward by offering to babysit so a couple can have a standing date night.)
3. Create a plan by listing restaurants, local activities, and landmarks that interest you. Take turns with your spouse. Keep it handy so you are never at a loss for things to do.
4.  Create a date night budget.
5.  Ready, set, DATE! Be READY on time. SET boundaries with technology. (Take your date night selfie but wait to post. That way you can focus on being present and loving your spouse well.) DATE keep your word. Bear in mind that everything else you do in life like work, fitness, church activities, get done because they are standing activities. Date night is equally important.

What are some of your favorite date night ideas? Please share in the comment section below.

One of our favorites is playing the “Ungame for Couples” while waiting for dinner at a restaurant. It’s a non-competitive game that encourages listening.

 

How to Improve Communication in Marriage

 

Sound familiar?

“Good Morning Babe, Thanks for doing a great job at falling asleep as I poured my heart out to you last night.”

“GOOD MORNING MY LOVE, OH HOW I ENJOY WAKING UP TO YOUR SARCASTIC TEXT MESSAGES. I GUESS NOW WE’RE EVEN SINCE YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME.”

“See, there you go, always taking stuff out of context and making it about you.”

“I WOULD MAKE IT ABOUT YOU BUT YOU ARE ALWAYS ON YOUR PHONE!!!”

“Maybe I would get off my phone if you would stop binge-watching crap on Netflix.”

“GOTTA FIND SOME WAY TO ENTERTAIN MYSELF. IT’S BETTER THAN LISTENING TO NAGGING AND YELLING!”

“I’ll stop yelling in real life when you STOP YELLING IN TEXT MESSAGES & EMAILS.”

“YOU’RE SO PETTY.”

“I learned from the best.”

Ouch.

How we speak to our spouse is extremely important. As you can see from the example above things can get messy real fast. What assumptions would you make about this couple? Would you think they just met or have been married for a while? Generally, communication goes well in the beginning stages of a relationship. All those warm fuzzies we get when we are getting to know each other make us feel connected. Over time familiarity starts to breed contempt, and we find ourselves taking cheap shots at someone we once handled with care.

When you are seeking to grow close you care about how you come across. This kind of caring creates a connection. And if you want that connection to be sustained you maintain a level of sensitivity in your correspondence. Connection creates an openness and sense of oneness. But somewhere along the way we get wounded, feel disrespected, or maybe even rejected and we start to withdraw. When we stop making consistent deposits of consideration and kindness our connection starts to break down and so does our communication.

I don’t want to hand you a checklist of what to do, or a script on what to say to improve your communication. I want to instead prompt you to ponder what is taking place in your heart. The Bible tells us, “. . . Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” (Luke 6:45) The greatest reflection of what’s going on in your heart is what’s coming out of your mouth. Take our couple above. If you revisit their correspondence can you gauge from the tone of their text messages what might be taking place in their hearts?

Communication techniques are fine for therapy sessions and fun activities to participate in at marriage conferences but in the heat of an argument, they can make a person feel like a pawn in their partner’s game. Ancient wisdom says, start with the heart. Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. Avoid all perverse talk; stay away from corrupt speech. Proverbs 4:24 & 25 (NLT) If you care about someone you naturally want to hear what they have to say. If you want to connect you will be slow to speak so that you can choose your words wisely. And if your ultimate goal is oneness you will won’t be so hasty to get offended. Rather than jumping to conclusions you will seek to gain an understanding.

I will offer you a list but not for the purpose of pointing your finger at your spouse. The following 5 suggestions are for YOU to be reminded that whether our communication is non-verbal, verbal, or written if we maintain a heart connection healthy communication will follow.

1. Avoid using terminal language. Never say “never.” Don’t always use “always.” (Apologize for the use of terminal language in the past.)
2. Be intentional. Give your spouse your undivided attention. List some areas in which you desire to improve your non-verbal communication skills with your spouse.
3. Check your tone to preserve your home. Reflect and repent for any use of improper tones in the past. Write down Proverbs 15:1, post it in a public place in your home.
4. Seek to deposit, not withdraw. Share 3 things you love about your spouse with your spouse. Sometimes we tell others what we appreciate about our mate and fail to tell them personally.
5. Create a connection, avoid rejection! Look each other in the eye for at least 2 minutes daily. (Studies show that passionate eye contact coupled with stimulating conversation causes people to fall in love.)

 

If you are tired of communicating about bills, work schedules and household chores with your spouse try discussing 36 Questions that lead to Love or Create a Closer Connection

Click the link above. It should take you about 1 hour to complete all 36 questions. It’s the perfect activity for a date night.

For more tips and tools like this connect with us on Facebook.

 

 

Boundaries in Marriage

On December 17, 2018, my husband and I will celebrate 19 years of marriage. It blows me away that we have now been married for longer than we had been alive when we met. As a high school junior and senior we became besties. 25 years later we are still fostering friendship. We’ve made it our tradition to not just celebrate our anniversary, but to celebrate the covenant of marriage.

In honor of our anniversary, we use to host marriage enrichment events called “Covenant Parties.” A Covenant Party was a reception like evening filled with sharing, dancing, dining, communication games, and a vow renewal ceremony. As much as it seemed special when we first began hosting, with each passing year, the word “covenant” sounds more and more antiquated. The more old school it may sound to the masses the more meaningful it becomes to me. Modernization might be great for marketing but often diminishes meanings that we need to be reminded of.

There’s a scripture in Proverbs that says,

“Do not remove the ancient landmark which your fathers have set.” (22:28 NKJV)

This is referring to land markers which were pretty important in biblical times. A stone indicated where your property ended and where your neighbor’s started. Removing a landmark was a way of stealing property. Can you imagine what it would feel like if your neighbor changed your property line? The results could be costly and your rapport with your neighbor would be changed forever. When sacred concepts lose their meaning, I believe the enemy gains ground, and we lose territory.

Take notice of the two signs below.

There is a big difference between private property and a public park. Private property implies that the land belongs to someone, and they have reserved it for their own private use. Public access indicates that the area is open to the public. In marriage, It is just as important for husbands and wives to have clear boundaries as it is for a landowner to have proper signage posted. My husband and I set clear boundaries early on in our relationship and the more words like “covenant” seem to have lost their meaning the more meaningful words like “boundaries” have become to us. Boundaries preserve what is good and protect from what is toxic. Affairs are not intentional, but being intentional about setting healthy boundaries can help safeguard you against an affair.

Early on in our marriage one of our favorite couples asked us an interesting question. They said, “Do you all love each other enough to share if you ever found yourself having feelings for someone else?” That question led to us to do 3 key things if we ever found ourselves feeling chemistry with someone other than our spouse.

• See it

• Say it

• Be set free

When we confess our faults and feelings to our spouse we can expose the enemy and safeguard our marriage against temptation. Below are a few questions you and your spouse can answer to aid you in the process of setting healthy boundaries in the 5 highlighted categories. (Think of preferences, pet peeves, pitfalls, and triggers in the following areas.)

1.  What boundaries would you like to see your spouse have at work?

2. What boundaries would you like to enforce amongst friends?

3. What are some ways to set physical boundaries?

4. What are some necessary emotional boundaries? (Guard your heart.)

5. What are some boundaries to implement with strangers?

This year we will celebrate our covenant by sharing tips, tools, and testimonies that will help you build your marriage on a solid foundation, nurture lasting love and connect with other couples. We hope you find this information useful. If you like it share it with your friends and invite them to connect with us on Facebook