Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved.
Mrs: Thanks for the way you work so hard to make sure our family has everything. I feel like I don’t offer you anything.
Mr: You don’t have to do anything to be my wife, that’s who you are. You’re mine.
Ode to the power of pillow talk. Yep. That was an actual exchange between me and my husband this morning. We say syrupy sweet stuff like that often. But there are other days in which our upbringings, opinions, ideas, priorities, problems and temperments try to separate us. With 6 kids, lots of boxes to check and places to be, some of the ways we manage to stay “one” are shared below.
We communicate our needs. If we need more “we” or “me” time we articulate our desires. We express our wants, even if we don’t always get what we want, we still share our expectations with each other. Sharing our dreams is paramount because if we have clear goals we can help one another accomplish those goals. “
We connect consistently. Intimacy is a priority because it maintains a culture of connection within our marriage. Our language and interactions are impacted by our intimate oneness. It’s hard to treat someone bad who makes you feel good. And it makes very little sense to be at odds with someone who you have the ability to be one with.
We create routines that act as emotional maps that lead us to our desired destination of oneness. If a clean house, affirming words and an early bedtime for your kids is your wife’s idea of foreplay that would be an emotional map that would get her from point A to the place you want to be. Start simmering her early with a sweet text message, maybe reach out midday with a flirty phone call, collaborate easy dinner plans, and clean to her heart’s content. Get those kids down early, and pass out from exhaustion in the process. Only to be awakened by a wife whose heart is overflowing with gratitude who can’t wait to connect.
We add everything to the family calendar. Sports schedules, trash pick up, school activities, social events. . . But the notifications I most look forward to are date nights, anniversary trips and staycation dates. Whether the date night is a date in, the anniversary trip is a trip across town and the staycation is sitting in the jacuzzi together at the YMCA. We make “we” a priority.
Celebrating our love is something we do personally on a daily basis. Publicly when the opportunity presents itself and purposefully by being intentional to make sure that we celebrate one another in a way that is significant to our spouse and speaks their love language.
To Create Your Own Keys to Staying Close answer the questions below.
1. What is your #1 need, want, or dream for your marriage?
2. If you had $1 for every time you were “one” in the last 30 days what would be the balance in your bank account? Remember, it pays to connect consistently.
3. Think about a routine that leads to the feeling of lasting love. (Map it out.) Write it down and share what floats your boat with your spouse.
4. Calendar which days are most important to your marriage? Anniversaries, Birthdays, Holidays, etc. Do it now so that you can plan for later.
5. Reflect on a time when you felt celebrated by your spouse. If you aren’t familiar with The 5 Love Languages take the quiz here to begin improving your relationship.
If you have some creative ways in which you cultivate oneness with our spouse please share in the comments below.
“So they are no longer two, but one. What God has joined together, let no man separate.” Matthew 19:6
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