Good But Not Best

How can such contrasting emotions co-exist within the human heart and mind? My heart is full, yet fragmented. I am exhausted though elated. I am overjoyed, but overwhelmed. Who keeps my hands from shaking, psyche from breaking, and heart from fainting? There is One who can transport me from sorrow and suffering into song. The Prince of Peace who leaves His throne to attend to a little girl with big eyes and heavy burdens.

Pardon me as I open a chapter of my life that I have avoided reading until now. I am blessed to be really good friends with many remarkable women, but I am burdened that I can not be everyone’s best friend. Before you begin to think that this is a reprimand, allow me to state that it is not. It is an insight that I learned from a group of 14 year old girls.

“We can all be good friends, but we can’t all be best friends. And that’s okay!”

Good, but not best, sounds good to me! These young ladies embraced truth that will set them free from scrolling news feeds and feeling rejected. They discovered a friendship principle that can permit them to enjoy that which social media has often convoluted. 

If you are guilty of feeling like you were deliberately excluded from someone’s life or an event because of something you saw online, this message is for you. If you have experienced the pure pleasure of a moment fade once you begin to filter it through the eyes of those who weren’t there, this post is for you. The only Being that can be omnipresent is God. He is also the only One who never leaves or forsakes us. 

I love LOVE and I love FRIENDSHIP. One of the things I have grown to enjoy more than anything is watching my friends enjoy their friends. We are called to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. But is it healthy to weep with those who weep about the same thing week after week? 

I have suffered from depression and I understand that it can take time for darkness to lift. I also understand manipulation and sometimes people will cast a spell on you with their emotions so that they can have someone to keep them company in their place of pain. If you find yourself having to choose between being the life of the party in a pure place or on the V.I.P. list to someone’s pity party my advice would be to gracefully decline the V.I.P. invitation and go live your life.

True friends walk in truth, the type of truth that makes us free. Sometimes the very person who makes a huge deal about not being included is also least likely to show up if they were invited in the first place. Sorcery isn’t cute, it is all about control. In such circumstances you often feel as though you can’t win for losing. My 40 year old self, has no interest in winning or losing. I no longer wish to play the game.

Opening this chapter of my life to the world through blogging has caused me to see how I spent so much time attempting to please friends in my first 40 years. If my latter years are to be greater than my former, then the only friend I want to please is the One who gave His life for me, and sticks closer than a brother. 

My first post in my “40 Days Until 40 series” was entitled, “14 Going on 40.” In that post I shared that although I was about to be 40, I still wrestled with the emotions of a 14 year old girl. It doesn’t surprise me that a friendship quote from a group of 14 year old girls has become my new mantra.

“We can all be good friends, but we can’t all be best friends. And that’s okay!”

I will be a good friend to my friends. But I will not and can not be everyone’s best friend, and I am OK with that. My friends would probably tell you different… The truest of the true and realest of the real would say that I am their best and that’s OK, just so long as I understand that my role as a friend is to simply be the best friend I can be. But not to be each one of my friends best friend.

Balance is beautiful. The freedom that comes from strengthening our core is well worth all the work it takes to walk upright. As you examine your friendships entering into this new year, allow me to encourage you to go where you are celebrated, and not where you are tolerated.

Remember, in the same way familiarity breeds contempt, honor begets honor. Give yourself permission to embrace those who honor you so that you will have the strength to endure those who have contempt towards you. Show up in people’s lives in a way that liberates. Don’t allow the insecurities of others to become your own.

Jesus perceived the thoughts of all He encountered. Those who celebrated Him, and the one who betrayed Him. Yet, He loved them all the same. That is how to be a good friend. Giving your best effort, and trusting God to do the rest.

Friends whose lives are hidden in Christ cause you to experience life more abundantly. When we focus on cultivating friendship with Christ He can turn one of our foes into the best of friends. Keep believing in friendship; especially, when it doesn’t feel good. You might even discover that the best type of friend is waiting around the corner. 

“We can all be good friends, but we can’t all be best friends. And that’s okay!”

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4 thoughts on “Good But Not Best

  1. Yes! I can totally relate to those contrasts of emotions. The Lord is always working my sorrow into joy. My struggle into victory. He’s my great rescuer. Apart from him, I’d fall apart but with him I steady right along.

    Such wisdom in the 14 year olds words. It’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one who feels like I can’t be everyone’s best friend.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Steph, I’m so glad that we get to be really good friends. I feel like my friends teach me how to be the best friend I can possibly be . Apart from Him, we’d all fall apart and so would our friendships. So thankful that God’s love is the glue that binds us together!

      Like

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